December 2009
25 posts
More Travel
Heading home to Chicago tonight. Going to run the weather gauntlet, but I think I may squeak past without much delay. I’m think of picking up a copy of Guns and Ammo to freak out whoever sits next to me on the plane. Should be a conversation deterrent.
New Year's Day Christmas
My mom’s side of the family celebrates Christmas together on New Year’s Day. We wear our gay apparel and exchange gifts while watching football and eating good food. But this year I was not invited, to my own family’s party. I am devastated. It could be because can’t remember the names of all my cousins or it could be because I show up hungover as sin, if I show up at all.
Avatar Coming of Age
I went and saw Avatar on Saturday. I saw the vanilla version because I was not going to pay $15 to be nauseated for 3 hours watching it in IMAX 3D. I enjoyed it overall minus the alien love scene. I felt so awkward and confused, like I was 12 again. The Na’vi sex made me feel strange in my pants. It was so wrong.
Murder
I spent 4 hours yesterday enduring the screaming sobs of a child on my flight. He cried nonstop from Las Vegas to Atlanta. On top of that, he made sure I was listening by kicking the back of my seat the entire flight. When he and his mother arrived at the same connection gate in Atlanta, I contemplated murder. Now I know how OJ felt.
Surreal
I never thought I would ever be excited to return to rural-backwards South Carolina, but Vegas can have that effect on a person.
WatchPony Pony Run Run - Walking On a Line
False Alarm
I awoke inexplicably at 3am today. My stomach was unsettled and I assumed I was about to experience the fun that is food poisoning, but it never came. Sitting in the dark, confused as hell, I remembered I had a bowl of Raisin Bran for dinner (trying to eat all the food I have in the hotel room). If I eat enough fiber, it doesn’t matter what I am doing, sleeping, driving, or playing sports, I...
Autograph
I passed by a William-Sonoma store with a huge line of people coming out the door. It turned out Martha was their signing books. I would have brought a copy of SEC criminal suit filed against her. That shit would sell on ebay.
Cream
I ran into an old friend at a bar the other day. I always remembered him because his farts were so smelly. He told me that he had recently learned he was lactose intolerant. Apparently for years he thought it was normal to have chronic diarrhea and horrible gas. He told me this all while sipping on a Bailey’s Irish Cream. I am not sure he understands what lactose intolerance is.
James' Great Blue Hype
I intend to see the new movie Avatar. Not because of the groundbreaking cinematronics. Not because of the epic storytelling. But because I would feel bad if it turns out to be a flop after all the money they spent on it. I have to do my part.
The Eternal Question
A friend told me a story about his family recently. It included a relative who was a AFT agent and would have to bring his gun to family occasions. But instead of brandishing it openly, he would keep it in a fanny pack. He then posed the ultimate question:
Are you still gay if you keep a gun in your fanny pack?
I honestly don’t know.
Local News
I chose to watch the local Las Vegas news this morning. When the sports reporter came on, I expected to hear about UNLV and such. But he instead reported on the sportsbook odds for the various bowl games coming up. Vegas baby, Vegas…
Two Day Bender
Just awoke from a two day bender of gambling, whippets, and canned chili. At one point I no longer owned my car and computer. I pretty sure I bought every bottle of Reddi-Wip in Aiken, SC. I left ten messages on the Hormel customer care hot line. So please forgive me for not posting the last two days. Honestly I just got lazy and couldn’t think of anything interesting to write. Also, finding...
