December 2010
30 posts
On holiday
It’s christmas time bitches, see you next week.
WatchAndreya Triana - A Town Called Obsolete
Johnny, Tell Her What She's Won
I hid an engagement ring for Dana behind the door of an advent calender. She found it and that is that. Although I have to pat myself on the back for surprising her so well, I really wanted to ask in a more interesting way. I wanted to put the ring behind one of three doors and let her pick doors ala Let’s Make A Deal. But I opted not to because:
1. That’s cruel even for me.
2. She...
Demographics
A coworker got an interesting email yesterday. It thanked him for volunteering to be in a nine minute video where he interviews the president of our company. Turns out that our boss volunteered the guy without telling him. In order to avoid a managerial row, he accepted his fate and agreed to do it. Point aside, it is quite obvious why he was volunteered. He is brown and nothing says promotional...
WatchMetric - Gold Gun Girls
Xerox Guy
The Xerox printer/copier/scanner near my desk, in true Office Space fashion, has been claiming a paper jam when there is no paper jam. Since giving up on fixing it, the nerds in the IT cave have finally called in the big guns. The Xerox guy came and tore the entire machine apart in the hopes of pinpointing what went wrong. I feel bad for the guy; partly because he has to figure out what happened...
WatchArcade Fire - The Suburbs
WatchFlorence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over
Beer Pong with Santa
My mom called me the other day to tell me that she wants the family to play beer pong (beirut) at our Christmas Day party. She assured me everyone would love it and asked where the table we use for it was stored. My mind immediately flashed to the piece of plywood we put over the pool table in the basement. With the aid of sharpies and lots of beer, my sister, myself, and our friends have managed...
WatchThe Holidays - Broken Bones
Waiting Quotes
I recently watched the underrated movie Waiting and enjoyed the scene where Dane Cook says: “Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch!” I from then on wanted to be in a situation where I could say that to someone. I came up with these candidates:
1. Prior to shellacking a buddy in ping/beer pong.
2. When my girlfriend’s parents arrive at our apartment for a weekend visit.
3. Upon...
Scarf
Blake: What kind of scarf is that?
Me: (I look at the tag) Pendleton.
Blake: From Wisconsin? (He thinks I’m from Wisconsin)
Me: No, it’s made in Portland, Oregon.
Blake: You got it in Portland?
Me: Your jacket is made in China. Did you get it in China?
WatchMinipop - Fingerprints
Mental Math
A coworker caught me using my calculator to divide 150 by two. He belittled me for being dumb and not doing the math in my head. I belittled him for being dumb and taking home that fat girl from the bar last weekend. We agreed it was a tie. By the way, it’s 75.
Frost Bite
After two nights of freezing temperatures, the plants on my balcony finally died. They will live on in my memories and the few digital pictures I took of them. The pictures will spend the winter on my computer, making the world inside it a little more green and more alive. I wonder what my computer programs will think of my pathetic plants. Probably not much because they will be concerned with...
WatchDaniel Martin Moore - Dark Road
WatchBroken Bells - The Ghost Inside
Stranded
clemmonade:
I probably should start answering my phone when someone calls me while I am sleeping… I usually just let it go to voice mail as I assume it is either someone drunk or someone asking me to come drink with them.
Last night I got this message from Ryan:
“Clemmons, I need your help, my battery is dead and I am stuck in Cabrini Green”
Guess I should call him to see if he is still...
