Yes, Like the Motorcycle.

Stately Sandwiches

Thu, 31 May 2012 07:09:44 -0400

A friend is executing a very simple, yet demanding mission. She is documenting the assembly and consumption of every official and unofficial sandwich of each state in the Union. See here. Being a sovereign state myself (Commonwealth Republic of Some Eradicated Indian Tribe, AKA Me), I will of course be covered in her project as the 51st state. My official state sandwich is the Hutch Stack:

1. Take an artisan kaiser roll you bought last week with the intention of making this sandwich. Slice it to find it rock hard, throw it out.

2. Take out three slices of Wonder bread, immediately shove one slice in your mouth.

3. Slather bread with spicy brown horseradish mustard.

4. Take out mayonnaise or Miracle Whip. Throw it all out. Are you fucking serious?

5. Place six slices of whatever store brand deli meat is on sale.

6. Decide lettuce would add some needed crunch. Take out lettuce to find it brown and moldy. Throw out and settle for smashing some Goldfish into the sandwich to achieve aforementioned crunch.

7. Enjoy with an RC Cola and a twenty year old episode of Law and Order.

Beachwood Sparks - Sparks Fly Again

Wed, 30 May 2012 23:49:56 -0400

Beachwood Sparks - Sparks Fly Again

No Sleep

Wed, 30 May 2012 06:43:44 -0400

I couldn’t sleep Monday night. So to kill the time, I watched TCM, which aired The Bridge Over the River Kwai, then Dr. Zhivago, then The Great Escape, and then Kelly’s Heroes. All commercial free. Needless to say I fell into a positive feedback loop of not being sleepy causing me to watch awesome movie causing me not to be sleepy causing me to watch awesome movie. Fuck you TCM.

Husky - History’s Door

Tue, 29 May 2012 23:56:14 -0400

Husky - History’s Door

Memorial Day

Mon, 28 May 2012 10:40:05 -0400

Let us all celebrate Memorial Day as the founding fathers intended, by watching war movies in our underwear surrounded by cats. God bless America.

Radiohead - Nude

Mon, 28 May 2012 10:36:29 -0400

Radiohead - Nude

Facebook

Fri, 25 May 2012 13:48:33 -0400

I have a sneaking suspicion that Mark Zuckerberg is happy that his Facebook IPO was a disaster. He was forced into the IPO by SEC policies and pressure from initial investors. He is probably sitting in a hoodie somewhere, laughing his ass off at the losses the investors suffered. I like to compare myself to Marky in many ways. I, myself, often sit in hoodies. I also laugh my ass off at other peoples’ suffering. Finally, I also have a Facebook profile. Now I just need to get a twenty billion dollar IPO under my belt and we will be indistinguishable.

M.I.A. - Bad Grils

Fri, 25 May 2012 12:10:41 -0400

M.I.A. - Bad Grils

Golf League Manager

Thu, 24 May 2012 07:11:34 -0400

Our honorable company golf league manager was offered a better position at our client’s firm. He took the job, but not before handing over responsibility of the golf league to me and my equally unqualified coworker, Ian. Beside forty participation trophies, a box of XL golf shirts, and a royally-fucking confusing Excel spreadsheet, the ex-manager left us a league bank account with several hundred dollars in it. In lieu of a banquet after the season end tournament, Ian and I will be handing out cans of generic brand root beer and Lunchables. Let the embezzlement begin.

Metronomy - The Look

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:02:47 -0400

Metronomy - The Look

Dentist

Wed, 23 May 2012 07:03:33 -0400

I asked a coworker for a dentist referral. She handed me the business card of his dentist. Although I wont post her real name, it was similar in style to Dr. Diamond Twinkle Vesuvius. Fuck. Yes.

Woodkid - Run Boy Run

Wed, 23 May 2012 00:01:50 -0400

Woodkid - Run Boy Run

"Why can’t you post something about me being smart instead of bat-shit crazy?"

Tue, 22 May 2012 02:02:21 -0400

“Why can’t you post something about me being smart instead of bat-shit crazy?”

- Dana on this website

Keane - Disconnected

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:02:11 -0400

Keane - Disconnected

Demeaning

Fri, 18 May 2012 12:19:57 -0400

I was at the Atlanta airport with Dana last night, on our way to Milwaukee, when I over heard a frustrated mom say to her small child: “That’s it! Hand me your leash.” I can’t even comprehend the mindfuck for that kid. Having to willing give an instrument of control to an obvious oppressor. Dana and I had a good laugh about that. I then told her to go get me a USA Today otherwise she wouldn’t get her birth control pill.

Usher - Climax (EM remix)

Fri, 18 May 2012 12:15:16 -0400

Usher - Climax (EM remix)

Summer Intern

Thu, 17 May 2012 07:12:00 -0400

Things I gained today:

1. Mouse pad

2. 20 binder clips

3. Coffee cup

Things the intern lost today:

1. Mouse pad

2. 20 binder clips

3. Coffee cup

Johnny Neon - Closer

Thu, 17 May 2012 00:03:25 -0400

Johnny Neon - Closer

Big Toe

Wed, 16 May 2012 07:01:27 -0400

In an attempt to help Dana clean up, I volunteered to do the laundry while she worked on wiping down the furniture. I stopped sorting colors to move a wine rack away from the wall so she could clean behind it. When I did, it fell and crushed my big toe. Now I am laying on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on my foot while she does both the wiping down and laundry. Couldn’t have worked out better if I had actually planned it.

The Boxer Rebellion - The Runner NSFW

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:02:58 -0400

The Boxer Rebellion - The Runner

NSFW